How to Handle Critical Feedback Well

Turn criticism into your secret weapon

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Intro

Today, we have a special guest post by Hemant Pandey, Senior Software Engineer at Meta. He also writes over at The Hustling Engineer, where he shares actionable career tips weekly. Be sure to check out his newsletter.

Hemant says a big part of his growth as an engineer came from handling feedback well. Today, he shares his stories and six tips for doing it right.

Without further ado, here’s Hemant.

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When I started my career, I took every piece of critical feedback personally.

I’d hear comments like, “Your code isn’t modular enough,” and my mind would immediately jump to, "Am I not good enough?" But over time, I realized that feedback isn’t about proving myself – it’s about improvement.

Once I started viewing feedback as a tool for growth, I felt less defensive and more focused.

In tech, feedback is everywhere. Whether it's a peer code review, a performance check-in, or a product demo, you’ll get some critical feedback along the way. And while it’s not always easy to hear, critical feedback can be one of your best tools for growth if you know how to handle it right.

Let’s talk about practical ways to manage feedback gracefully and make it work for you.

1. Shift Your Mindset: See Feedback as a Growth Tool

Hearing critical feedback might feel personal, but try to see it as a way to improve instead of a hit to your abilities. Most people giving feedback just want to help you improve or ensure the work meets team standards. Seeing it this way makes you less likely to take it personally or react defensively.

Tips to Try:

1. Listen First: Focus on what’s being said before responding. I started practicing this in meetings by listening without thinking of my response. This helped me understand feedback deeply before jumping to conclusions.

2. Remember the Bigger Picture: Whenever I receive feedback, I link it to a larger goal. For instance, I remind myself that improving my code structure isn’t about nitpicking; it’s about writing maintainable code for my team.

2. Take a Breath Before Responding

In one of my early code reviews, I got feedback that wasn’t expected: “Your approach feels a bit over-engineered.” My first reaction was to jump in to defend myself.

But instead, I took a moment to breathe and think it over. That helped me stay calm and engage in a productive discussion. Now, whenever I feel defensive, I take a breath to let the initial emotions pass.

Tips to Try:

1. Pause and Reflect: Just saying, “Thank you for the feedback,” gives you a moment to compose yourself. It’s a simple habit, but it makes a big difference.

2. Ask for a Short Break if You Need It: If the feedback session feels overwhelming, politely say, “I’d like to think this over and continue the conversation after a break.” I’ve used this approach in meetings, and it’s helped me respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.

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3. Ask Questions to Get Clear

I once got feedback that there needed to be more communication with other teams when I was leading a project. The project handoff to the other team could have been better and I need to improve. But what did that mean? I had to clarify. In my mind, I did my best, and there was nothing left.

I asked specific questions, such as “What could I have done better?” and “What were the missing pieces?”

Getting concrete examples gave me clarity and helped me understand exactly where I could improve.

Tips to Try:

1. Get Examples: If someone says, “Your code could be cleaner,” ask, “Can you show me where I can improve the structure?”

2. Clarify Expectations: If feedback feels vague, asking, “What would success look like here?” often brings helpful insights. This question is a great way to ensure you’re on the same page with the person giving the feedback.

4. Focus on the Facts, Not Your Feelings

A TL once told me that my approach to solving a problem was “inefficient.” It felt bad, but I reminded myself that this wasn’t a comment about me as a person; it was about the work. I focused on understanding the feedback factually instead of letting my feelings get in the way. This allowed me to approach the feedback constructively.

Tips to Try:

1. Identify Key Takeaways: I now habitually write down the main points after feedback sessions. Focusing on what I can act on shifts my attention away from any initial emotional reactions.

2. Reframe Negative Thoughts: Instead of thinking, “I’m not good at this,” I reframe it as, “This is a skill I’m working on.” It’s a subtle but powerful mindset shift that motivates me to improve.

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5. Own It and Make a Plan

When I was told during a performance review that my communication could be improved, my first instinct was to explain why I was doing fine. But instead, I accepted the feedback and took ownership. I asked for specific areas to improve and created an action plan to address them in my future projects. I made a checklist of things I need to do.

By owning it, I found that my manager was more supportive, and it showed a commitment to growth.

Tips to Try:

1. Focus on Key Areas: Choose one or two main areas to improve first. When I received feedback on my communication skills, I focused on being clear and concise in my updates before tackling other areas.

2. Set Measurable Goals: I set simple, measurable goals, like “limit weekly updates to 3 key points.” Small, achievable goals helped me stay on track and feel accomplished.

6. Follow Up and Show Your Progress

In my first half at Meta, I got feedback that I was too slow to align on decisions with Product Managers. I came from a different company culture and was taking my time to adapt.

Once I got the feedback, I worked on this with the help of my mentor. I started time-boxing milestones, having a clear agenda, and adopting a “move fast” mindset. I also started sharing milestone updates so everyone was on the same page about what was happening.

I followed up with my manager in the next half to check-in on how I am improving on this particular skill. I got feedback from my PMs asking specifically about how I lead in meetings and enable decision-making.

Tips to Try:

1. Share Your Progress: A quick update, like “I’ve started using agenda docs,” shows commitment. This is especially valuable in team settings; it keeps everyone aligned and demonstrates your improvement.

2. Ask for More Input: After acting on the feedback, I often check in to ensure I’m on the right track. Asking for additional guidance signals that I’m serious about making progress.

Handling critical feedback well can set you apart as an adaptable, growth-minded engineer. By seeing feedback as a tool and putting feedback into action, you can turn even your harshest critics into allies.

If you are interested, I also wrote an article on “How to write critical feedback,” here.

Recap

Thanks Hemant for sharing this wonderful piece on how to receive critical feedback well. Here’s my takeaways from his piece:

1. Shifting one’s mindset: It is important to have a growth mindset when receiving feedback.

2. Pause before responding: Don’t be quick to react. I like Hemant’s advice of asking for a short break to step out if needed.

3. Asking clarifying questions: Asking for more details and expectations will help you better act on the feedback.

4. Focus on facts and not feelings: Remember that the other party is trying to help you – understand the feedback and try not to let your feelings get in your way.

5. Own it and make a plan: Making a plan to focus on your key areas is not just for others. It can also help with tracking your own progress.

6. Follow up by showing progress: As you continue to improve, show in meetings and docs / artifacts that you are making progress. This helps let others know that you are committed to your own improvement.